missing.

Today, God helped me figure out/opened my eyes to why I can't be at camp all year. Coming back to school was so difficult. Because I wanted to still be at camp. I missed it, I still do. I miss the morning watches, I miss my staff. I miss Joshua Youth Camp. I miss not having to shower on a daily basis (there. I said it. I enjoy being dirty and smelly). I miss not having to think about my outfits and just wearing jeans and a staff shirt for 10 days straight. I miss dressing wacky on hump day and having overall good Wednesdays and Thursdays. I miss the families we work for. I miss having worship every night. I miss driving an obscene number of miles on a daily basis in Bruno with my windows down and music up. I miss using power tools and doing construction. I even miss lumber deliveries. I miss being able to see the stars at night. I miss our campers. I miss the families we work for. I miss the intentional Christ-centered community and the family that God formed among us by the end of each week. I think it's safe to say that I miss it all.

I didn't want to leave, and when I got back to school, I had a hard time adjusting. At camp, my faith was nearly handed to me. Strictly because of the nature of my job and the people we worked for/with and the places we worked in, I felt like I was wearing "God-goggles" all day long. It was nearly impossible not to see God in things.

I love Carolina. I love my roommate and my friends, the marching band, (most of) my classes, the Wesley Foundation. But regardless, coming back to school felt like someone had yanked my God-goggles off and snapped them in half. How was I supposed to see God when I wasn't having morning watch every morning, doing construction work to help people who really need it during the day, and having sharing and worship nearly every night of the week? How was I supposed to feel God's presence without my other seven staff members uplifting me every day? I know that I was being irrational and stubborn and that God is just as much here at Carolina as he is at CCC, but it was still hard.

I came across 2 Corinthians 4:7 while reading a devotion today, and I looked up The Message translation:

If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. 

We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives.

Reading this passage felt like the answer I didn't know I'd been looking for was staring right back up at me. My time at CCC this summer was so far from ordinary life. And while most days recently it has feelt like my life is far from organized and calm, it's mostly ordinary (especially compared to CCC), And God gave me my time at CCC this summer so that it could shine out of my unadorned-clay-pot life back here at Carolina. 

So while I'm not wearing the same God-goggles I had on at camp, I still try every day to wear some. Because God is still here and still real and still moving in ways that I have seen some of and can't wait to see more of. And my prayer is that my extraordinary time from this summer will  shine and that I won't soon let myself forget it.